Making Friends with Chocolate Milk

Creative Writing

My first friend in life was a girl my age who lived in the big white house behind my big beige house. When we were both playing in our back yard, I would plow through the garden to see her through the fence. My grandfather cleared a spot so we could mumble gibberish in our diapers. 

She moved. The spot grew over. 
 
My next two friends were my neighbors Christopher and Ryan. Ryan had tall skinny legs, short curly blonde hair, thick glasses, and emblemized cartoon characters. He was older than me, which is a big deal when you’re five, but he was mentally disabled, so we were the same age. He loved to play hide-and-seek in my back yard and drink Yoo-Hoo. “Yoo hoo!” he would shout, tapping on the sliding-glass door, “Yoo hoo! Yoo hoo!” 
 
I don’t remember the first time I met him, but I didn’t think twice of his disability. I thought he was goofy, and he was always smiling. He was never sad or mean or rude and was always up for anything. Every idea I had was fantastic to him. We had fun watching cartoons, playing games, and eating lunch together. 

The only problem was as I grew older, he stayed the same. 

My mom was working as a waitress at the Sheraton and her boyfriend’s mom, later my step-grandmother, would watch me at her town home, which later became my house. Both homes were separated by my elementary school, and this is where I spent the first twelve years of my life. 
 
Her house always smelled like macaroni and cheese, and we watched cartoons like Little Bear and Gnomes as she read all the words off the screen to me. One day she put in a VHS tape called, Gone with the Wind and said it was her most favorite movie of all.  

We picked blackberries out back and I ate lots of tapioca pudding and Super Mario fruit snacks while she braided my long red hair. 
 
It was a cool summer morning, and I was in the front lawn when and she brought my tricycle out of the garage. I peddled down the sidewalk, waiting for her to holler at me if I went too far, which I did, because there was a little blonde girl at the end of the sidewalk also riding her tricycle. 

“Sarah!” she hollered. 

I turned around and peddled back, telling her about the girl. She walked me her house and we met her mom and that’s when I made my first real girlfriend. Her name was Kiri, and her mom was a nurse named Teal, like the color of their siding. 
 
They had an end-unit, which was one-story, and Kiri and I would play Pretty Pretty Princess in her bedroom or hang out in the play shed her grandfather built in their over-sized backyard. 

Tyler climbed the tree in Kirk’s side-yard; it was the tallest tree in the neighborhood, and he was destined to climb it. We climbed every tree in that neighborhood, but no one climbed as high as he did that day even though he fell out of it. 

He’s unconscious. 

Trevor runs in to the house. Teal runs out of the house in her scrubs and white keds, “Is he breathing!” she screams. We were always climbing trees, even pine trees, but this one spit him out. 

Kiri’s parents divorced and they moved in with her grandparents babysat me from time to time. 

We sat in her new split-level living room playing the Little Mermaid on the Nintendo and built forts in the basement, which always smelled like fresh laundry. It was spectacular like an old, confusing, cluttered maze of pipes, alcoves, boxes, records, an over-sized green chalkboard and a ballet floor with a railing and mirrors. 

We danced to Michael Jackson on the television, played ballet to the music on the radio, and ate lunch in a make-believe restaurant. 

When her family took me camping in the summer, we backed down the driveway in their station wagon chewing Zebra gum as I waved goodbye to my mom who never let me sleep over anyone’s house. We pulled-up to a motor home by a lake full of tad poles, walked to the carnival and went on all the rides. 

When Kiri’s dad died, the world got a little darker. 

Life went on and we invented and played a lot of games: bike games, tennis games, hide-and-seek games, knock-knock zoom-zoom games that took us peeling off through the alleyways for shelter: running past houses, turning corners, dipping under tree branches. 

We stop behind a white fenceless house and the blinds on the windows abruptly flew open. We froze and held the breaths we were trying to catch, staring. Nothing interesting happened and they slowly closed. Trevor and I looked at each other perplexed and stood up. We took a few steps forward to look and the blinds flew open again as we jumped in surprise. Then they slowly closed again. We took a few steps closer, and the blinds flew open, but we expected it and didn’t jump out of our shoes as they slowly closed one more time. 

For an hour, we moved closer and backed away as the blinds flew open and slowly closed until we walked away with our heads turned staring until the house was out of sight. The following week, we took a trip down the alley again, but this time nothing unusual happened. It was just a plain white house with the blinds closed. 

I experienced my first language barrier when Jessica, her little sister, and her family moved onto our street, “How do you say ‘moon’ in Spanish?” I asked, pointing at the moon. “Luna. La Luna brilla,” Jessica said. Never mind that my step great grandparents had a thick Gaelic accent because it came out to me clear as plain English. 

Her parents invited me inside once for ice cream on a cold day, but it took too long to thaw, so we played in her sand box in winter jackets. She was very quiet, but beautiful with long, shiny black hair and round, dark brown eyes. Her mom let her play with red lipstick and wear pretty shoes. Her little sister constantly rode circles in the driveway on her tricycle with colorful plastic strings dangling from the handlebars while she bit her pretty nails to the bone. 

My second language barrier was when two young Indian girls moved in next door to Erika and Heather with their parents. We had to remove out shoes when we came into their house through the garage. They didn’t have much furniture and slept in the family room. 

Then there was the quiet girl, who never spoke at all; she power-walked home from the bus stop in sixth grade. We didn’t know she existed until our first day of school while we watched her bolt past us, books-in-hand, down the hill into her house, shutting the door, and looking out the window at us; staring. No one knew her name and when we knocked on the door for her to come out, her dad said she was studying.  

She was always studying. 

My first day of middle school was horrifying; walking down the sidewalk in the opposite direction, an hour earlier than normal, toward my bus stop. I had never been on a bus in my entire life: my elementary school was directly behind our neighborhood. 

Walking down the sidewalk in my best clothes dragging an empty book bag, Heather slides open her bedroom window and waves; she’s getting ready for her first day of fifth grade. I met up with Erika and Heather out front of their house so Erika could show me where to stand. I wished Heather was here – little Heather, we called her – big Heather was mean to me. Earlier that year, she threatened to kill my cat, so we weren’t the best of friends. I spent more time with her older sister, Erika. 

Erika and Heather’s dad lived In Pittsburgh, so they were gone every other weekend, and when they were gone, it was quiet. They lived on our block with their mom, stepdad and younger half-sister, Ashley, who once drank rubbing alcohol. Their house always smelled like food, but Heather said it’s because, “my mom burns everything.” 

We played cab driver in their abandoned Sebring. Her mom drove a rusted van and was occasionally religious. “I can’t be your friend anymore,” Heather said to me one day while riding bikes around the block. “What?” I asked. “My mom said your parents listen to devil worshipping music,” she said, referring to alternative rock; and this was before she threatened to kill my cat. 

Erika didn’t know who the Spice Girls were, so we put the cassette in my boom box and danced around my bedroom. We collapsed from exhaustion, “Show me more.” She said, breathing heavy, “That was fun.” 

Erika accused Heather of eating her deodorant. “Look, teeth marks,” she says, tilting the baby-powder fresh tube at me. “Why would I eat your deodorant?” asks Heather. She told me your period comes out of your butt. I told her she was, “Full of it.” Her stepdad walks past her open bedroom door, and she asks for him. He steps in the room and asks what we’re up to. “Does your period come out of your butt?” She asks. He’s stunned, “Sure.” He says, walking away. 

They both shaved their legs, I didn’t. They talked about sex with their mom, I was afraid to. 

They had the craziest stories. 

Their house was haunted by a colonial soldier who ate breakfast with them, and his body was buried in the woods across the street. During a sleepover, we were lying on our bellies on the carpet, and they told me a ghost story about Heather’s daybed. Claiming a young girl was murdered in it and that their mom bought it cheap at a yard sale. Heather starts screaming and is halfway under the bed with her hands grasping the feet, pretending to get sucked under. It scared the shit out of me. 

We pinned sheets to the ceiling around her bed and jumped up and down to devil-free music and filled water balloons, tossing them out of the window at the teenagers passing by. 

The teenagers were a group of older kids in high school who smoked, cursed and caused a lot of trouble. If we were playing outside and they walked by, we ran indoors. Unless you were with Trevor – he instigated them. 

Standing at the foot of his driveway discussing video games, a drunk girl stumbles down the street in a jean jacket. Trevor asks if she had a rough night. She’s waving her hand around, “You little shit!” walking up the drive-up at us. 

We dart for the front door. “Lock it!” I yell. She pulls a whole cabbage out of the rock garden, roots and everything, and chucks it at the glass door as dirt explodes all over the front porch. 

I’m stunned. 

Trevor is doubled over in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “Your mom is going to kill you,” I said. 

They broke into my neighbor’s house while they were away on vacation and threw a party. I woke up to red and blue lights flashing in my window. My stepdad called the cops every time they broke bottles in the playground behind our house. I sat and watched through the window as a police cruiser crept over the hill through the field with his lights off as they scattered, running past our house down the alley. They almost shot me with a pellet gun one afternoon. I didn’t see anyone at first but herd, “Shoot her. Shoot her,” as I look around. I see two boys standing behind a chain linked fence a few yards away pointing a gun at me. 

I took off down the street. 

These were all white, middle-class suburban kids; mind you. The Valley was a very strange place. Tyler was escorted home by the police one night for starting fire to the dumpster behind the 7-11 and I walked in one three people fucking in the woods. 

Erika and Heather’s mom called the police. We sat on the curb eating cherries, waiting to see what would happen. The police pull up and go into the far end of the woods where the trail is, and two half naked people come darting out of the front of the woods and run down the street. I’m not sure what happened to the third person, but the police took off, on foot, after the others. 

Earlier that day, two people came to Erika and Heather’s house asking their mom if they could have to sofa at the curb, claiming their grandmother wanted it. She said sure, and they carried it off. The police found it, unfolded in the woods on cinder blocks. 

One summer week, we had so much rain it flooded our streets. I’m leaning against the windowsill, watching the water and my stepdad wander out of the house, trudging through the water in scuba gear, opening all the manholes with a crowbar. Lawn ornaments and chairs were swept away. 

In the winter, we held team snowball fights, blindly tossing them over Ben’s wooden fence hoping to nail someone in the face. When my stepdad plowed the street, Heather and I dug a snow fort in the biggest pile of snow we could find. Just as it was getting dark, we sat inside it giggling. I hear chains coming down the street and Trevor plows his bike into the side of our fort as it caves in on us. Screaming, we dig our way out and walk home. I was not pleased. 

We went sledding in the valley and I nearly slammed into the brick wall of my elementary school. I loved trekking through the thick snow in my snow pants, winter jacket, hat and gloves frozen to the core as the streetlights come on, coated a thin layer of powdered snow. I would come inside, get undressed on the linoleum as my fingers tingled with my cheeks red and warm.  

I drank hot chocolate and watched movies with my mom. 

No matter the season, I had to be the house when the streetlights came on: nine o’clock in the summer; five o’clock in the winter. 

Service Tunnel

I found a four-foot diameter steam tunnel that went underneath an active hospital building very late at night in the dead of winter. I got on my hands and knees and crawled about five feet removing my bag and wanting to crawl to the end. No one shared my enthusiasm, so I ended up venturing in alone.

The tunnel was dark, and, in my mouth, I bit a small, flat light that went on when I bit down. It became increasingly warm as I began sweating in the layers that were keeping me comfortable in the snow-covered grounds outside.

I maneuvered under and over piping avoiding stagnant puddles and boiling water hissing inward until I was roughly halfway through and could hear faint footsteps in a drain above that I could peer into. The yellow stained-white walls were dressed in a painting and a brochure stand. I could hear the faint humming of air conditioners as a gush of water rushed through the pipes as someone flushed a toilet. I knew at that second where I was – in a very wet, stagnant piping system as toilet water was flowing past my head – and realized what I was crawling through.

Roughly twenty minutes went by as I reached the end of the tunnel, which dumped me into an amber-lit service room in the basement of an adjacent building dripping with water and humming with generators.

When I made it back to the entrance of the tunnel and stood up, I noticed I was covered in sweat, feces, mud, asbestos and rust. I laughed either because the insane was rubbing off on me or I didn’t know what else to do.

The Tunnel

Weaving our bodies around puddles on the ground, vehicles pass in both directions. Drops of rain roll off my hood falling to the ground. I’m taking bites of apple as police pass by. Cold water rolls down my face, over my eye lashes and drips off the tip of my nose onto the apple.

unlocking the tunnel door

I take a bite.

I stop weaving in and out of puddles on the ground. I walk through the puddles. I step into the puddles – splash – my shoes are wet, and my socks are mushy, sediment in the sole of my shoe.

Running through the field we dive through an open window, tripping over our feet in the moss covered red-bricked hallway. Dull light hits my face as each window passes.

The morgue is without bodies.

The wards are without nurses, without patients.

The bathrooms are without cutters, sinners and guilt.

The televisions are off, covered in dust.

I stumble upon a hole in the wall. Steam pipes snake into the darkness. I duck my head, peering around a large pipe while placing my right hand on its surface – chalked with white powder – I lower myself onto the first of three wooden steps. I adjust the beam of light in my hand unveiling a dust swirling galaxy that gently passes through the light.

We enter.

Water pools at the bottom and I trek through until it laps against my thighs. The voices echoing in distress from bodies behind me are crawling on the pipes: they are dry bodies.

pennsylvania state hospital harrisburg housekeeping ladder in the empty abandoned tunnel beneath the buidings
Abandoned State Hospital Tunnel. January 01, 2011.

Reaching in my pocket, I turn up a soft beat. It echoes through the tunnel: music raises spirits. “It’s depressing down here,” I think to myself. The tunnel inclines as water splashes against my ankles. Stomping on dry ground, I wait for them.

The voices of the others are muffled. I’m standing in the lobby of an auditorium with men and women speaking into the microphone on stage announcing the next act, the next contestant, the next show. The lights are moving closer, waving in the air like fireflies in the night from people whose hands grip them.

Water is flowing through a channel cutting through the tunnel floor. There is a chunk of concrete missing 
to be swept up in a flow of water hurdling at me from behind.

the train yard behind the asylum

Water is spraying from a broken valve beneath a steam pipe, layered in caked asbestos and an arch of water protrudes into space, forced to splash onto the ground, splattering; anxiously flowing toward a drain to be reunited with the soil.

The tunnel splits three times. It goes left and right at a crawling height and right at full height. It goes right once more and left again. We contort our bodies and duck our heads to make way through the round concrete tunnel.

The pharmacy is without hallucination, anxiety and fear.

The thermometers are broken.

Tiles are cracked, windows are broken and wood is rotting.

It’s dark as night.

Climbing out of the window, we’re standing in a marsh in the woods. Its pouring rain and our clothes are covered in dirt. My shoes are sinking into the mud. I lift both feet simultaneously. Mud clings to the walls of my shoes.

The streets are flooded. Water pools at the bottom of off-ramps on the hi-way. I am tired of water: pools of murky water.

Imagination

The sky is a dark abyss. The stars are twinkling faintly. The moon is glowing fully. The fire burns brightly, crackling and popping.


The man beside you stares with wide eyes at embers jumping from the fire into his face, grinning a stupid grin like a child trapped in an adult’s mind.


In your hand is a stick you picked up from the ground. Twirling it around between your fingers, you poke the ash at the bottom of the pit.


As the ticks of your wristwatch grow quiet, your pupils dilate, feeling weightless. A wave of cosmic consciousness approaches through the trees, tickling your senses.


The sky is a black pearl swimming with swirls of moonlit clouds and galactic spaceships. The stars are multicolored meteorites. The moon is smiling – everything is smiling. The fire burns violently, screaming and dancing.


The animals peer their eyes through the overgrowth staring intently with interest, blinking.


In your hand is a snake that you mistakenly thought was a stick. Placing it on the ground, it slithers away.


As the ticks of your wristwatch grow silent, your mind is open, feeling intuitive. The forest around you is inhabited with monsters and the trees are talking, confusing your senses.


Lying on your back in the rain forest, you’re surrounded by insects as the warm sun rises. Day and night transition between blinks of your eyes as a castle reflects against a lake and the world spins, spins, spins.

Tell Me a Story

It’s a hot, humid night and you’re walking toward an overgrown trail off a busy road in the outskirts of Philadelphia. The path below has been worn thin from feet that frequent it. Crisp air pushes through the dark, cool woods wrapping itself around your face as honey suckle and wild grass is scented. You walk steadfast into the darkness as the sound of traffic behind you softens and is replaced with the sound of crickets chirping. The anxiety of entering far enough into the darkness to not be seen by the unwanted is flashing in your mind. As you enter the trail, you wonder if you’ll pass others walking in the opposite direction and if so, what they saw in the direction you are now going.

Your eyes begin to adjust – you notice the faint twinkle of the stars in the sky through the light pollution of the city. You look down to observe your footing while stepping over rocks embedded in the dirt and dips in the ground from where large ones have previously been removed. You look up and notice a break in the horizon as the tall grass ends at what appears to be a clearing, which catches the moonlight differently than the field you’re walking through. A dark, shadowy outline of a silhouette building hovers above you with a nearly full moon hanging in the sky. The building seems to grow in size as you cautiously step toward it. This is the moment when your instinct gives you the option to turn around. The stale scent of fire, spray paint, asbestos, medical waste, mold and library books infiltrate the scent of summer grass and honey suckle, twirling and mixing midair while creating its own unique scent. The terrain below your feet becomes rough, mixed with pebbles as you kick up the loose, dry dirt.

You cross over the old, paved road that has faded and plants have crept through the cracks and snack wrappers rock back and forth on the pavement in the breeze. Pushing through brush you step toward the dark, inviting doorway not far ahead while avoiding bugs, cobwebs, metal grating, glass and sharp objects strewn about. The brisk scent of stale fire blows out of the doorway into your face while pushing back your hair and drying your eyes. The wind beats past your ears creating static as you push through the open doorway into the building. The wind stops blowing. All is still and all is silent. Drip, drip, drip, the water pings onto aluminum scrap from a leaky pipe in the ceiling. You come to a standstill in the hallway while observing and adjusting to your new surroundings.

Carefully and quietly, you dig through your bag for your flashlight. Click, you turn it on. Freshly disturbed particles of dust, ash and asbestos twirl around in the beam of light as you wave it around the hall and into nearby rooms as it reflects off broken windows and glass. You take a few steps forward and adjust the beam to the end of the hall. You squint your eyes and wonder where it leads. You ask yourself, are there any tunnels, are there any people in here, are there any animals, how many rooms, how many floors, is there a basement, what was this building used for, how many people lived and worked in it, died in it, celebrated birthdays in it, slept in it, ate in it, you blindly walk straight down the hall waiting to come to an end, or a turn, or a drop.

“What did you say they used to call this place again?” you ask. “Byberry”, your friend replies.